There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
