I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
