My first STD was from a foam party
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Randomize
