ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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