its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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