I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
