I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
