I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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