'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
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