my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
