when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
