SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Randomize
