it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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