Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
