I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
