some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
