we're chasing vodka with high fives
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
