Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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