It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
