So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Randomize
