I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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