Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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