I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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