Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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