tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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