Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
