Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Randomize
