A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
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