somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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