I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
