so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
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