Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
