I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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