Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
