i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
