Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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