Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
