We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize