It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
the room spins SO much faster in panama
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize