I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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