I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Pooping to opera.
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