Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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