chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
