You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
