i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Success! We fucked roommates!
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