went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
