I think I died a long time ago.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
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