i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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