So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
