one might say we're banned from that church
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
