I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
