i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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