Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
you will always have a special place in my vag
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
