i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
