Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
