she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize