i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
