I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
