It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
