Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Randomize
