i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
