I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
