if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Randomize
