Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
