his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
