I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Randomize
