This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
