Don't you send me to vm
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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