I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
