I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Randomize